Indian Income tax department

The owner of a local bar noticed that his sales were going down and decided to try holding a contest to get more people to come in. Since his hobby was body-building; he decided it should be a contest of strength. That way he reasoned; he'd never lose and would still get all the extra customers. So the next night, he stood up in the bar and issued his challenge. He set a lemon up on the bar and shouted out "I'm willing to pay $500 plus whatever's in the pot to anybody who can squeeze more juice out of this lemon than I can. It costs $2 to play. Any takers?"

A bunch of guys rushed over and tossed in their $2. Then the bar owner picked up the lemon, which was completely dwarfed by his massive hand and crushed it. Lemon juice ran like a river out of his hand. The competitors looked discouraged but all of them tried to get more juice out of it. Alas, their efforts were in vain.

This continued night after night and drew more & more people to the bar. Bigger and stronger guys came in but none of them were able to get so much as a drop of juice from the lemon after the bar owner was done with it.

Then one night a very small, frail-looking man came into the bar. He watched the proceedings and after everyone else in the bar had tried to squeeze more juice from the lemon; he walked up to the bar owner. He said "Here's my $2; I'd like to try squeezing the lemon."

The bar owner looked down at the man and laughed at him. "You think you can beat me, little man? HA!"

The small man just ignored them, took the lemon from bar owner and squeezed it. The flood of juice that came out of the lemon while the small man was squeezing it made the juice the bar owner had extracted look like the tiniest of drops.

Everybody in the bar was stunned into silence. The bar owner looked at the small man with awe and asked how he'd done that?

The man looked up with a smile on his face and said, "I work for the Indian Income Tax Department."

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Santa Banta Jokes

Banta was busy removing wheel from his auto
A man asks banta y r u removing wheel from ur auto
Banta:cant u read the parking board..only for 2 wheelers
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Santa joined in a new job..1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
boss was happy and asked what u did till evening
Santa: keyboard alphabets were not in order..so i made it order..
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santa : whats the guarantee 4 this mirror
shopkeeper:throw down frm 100 feet ,the mirror willnot break till 99 feet
santa : WOW!!thats greate pack 10!!
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Banta is in mysoor palace
tourist guide: sir plz dont sit thr..Its tippu sultans chair
Banta:dont worry yaar i wil get up when he comes
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Banta wated to make a std call to punjab, he wanted to save money..what he did?
he went to pujab and made a local call

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Unmarried Pregnent Girl

A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant. Scared,She confides this ' news' to her mother.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did This to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature And distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family Situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, If there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand Firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You can try again !"

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Big John doesn't pay

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.

Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.

He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down.

And the next day, and the one after that,and so forth.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger,and screamed, "And why not?"

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

Moral of the story:

Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve it.

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Chugga, Chugga, Chugga, Chugga, Choo! Choo!

This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears a whistle:

"Whooee da Whoee!"

He sees something coming towards him, but doesn't know what it is.

Predictably, he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in thehospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal.

His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes to the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man:

"Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"

The desert man replies: "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."

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Great Sardar

Great Sardar

A donkey kicked sardar & ran away sardar ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.

SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.

2.Weakness:Banta's wife,Preeto.

3.Oppurtunity:When Banta is on tour.

4.Threat:When I am on tour

sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.

Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....

Santa went to mysore palace.
Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up wen he comes.!!..

Santa:banta yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Banta: oye tenu eh v nhi pata Santa. dear jab auto main koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to usse kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI.

Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!

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Jokes What Is Politics

Jokes: What Is Politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poor."

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